We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize