Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
