He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
