You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't deserve a penis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
