The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
