I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
