Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
