I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
