community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
