bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
