You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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