Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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