If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
