All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
