I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
