lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
