The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cannot find my penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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