I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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