Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
