i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
