I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
