last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
