It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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