Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm both gender and math confused
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I love you.
Bad choice
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
