What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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