They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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