Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
