So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
