There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
