I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm jealous of your bromance
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
