If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
