You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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