Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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