My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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