Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
