When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
