her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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