I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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