hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
