sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
