I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
