oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
