just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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