"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
