White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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