you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
