Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
