I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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