Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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