i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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