Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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