this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
