you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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