Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
