Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
