True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
