i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
