Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
