How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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