his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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