and i looked up. we had an audience...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
