best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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