just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
