I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
