Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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