He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
