I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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